why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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