Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
