i wish peter jackson would direct porn
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
