God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Non-Jews are for practice
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
