if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
