I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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