The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
