I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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