THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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