if only i could text you this smell
this just has baby written all over it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
