Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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