apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
