i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
