Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
