just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
