I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
