i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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