i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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