No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
