did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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