No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
