There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
