i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
