Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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