careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
