Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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