But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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