I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
