There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
