I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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