my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
