do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
