I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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