honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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