So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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