Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
