These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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