she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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