I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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