my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
