soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
