I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
barbara walters just said penis...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You ruined the universe
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
