I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize