In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
