it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
