This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just invented taco cereal.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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