i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
