your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
