dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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