david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
