i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
