and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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