I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
