I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
