new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
