yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
