Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
