My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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