Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
