I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
