The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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