just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
