he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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