I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
