one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
