The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
